A Sports Junkie’s Letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

I know it’s a little late to be sending you this, but this is the one day in I don’t know how long that there hasn’t been anything on. Really, no basketball, no football, definitely no hockey, not even an EPL match. And since you give out all the latest toys, I’m sure you keep some for yourself so can read this from your magical sleigh. Here’s what I want for Christmas:

  • Promotion and relegation in the MLS. Actually, I really just want promotion and relegation in some major American sport, but soccer seems like the only one that would work thanks to minor league affiliate systems, lack of minor leagues, and college drafts. Maybe baseball, but that would be way too complicated.
  • While I’m on soccer, I want the MLS to play the same club season as every other soccer league in the world. Partially because I think it will add legitimacy to American soccer, partially to avoid conflicts with international players’ national team obligations, and partially because I didn’t follow MLS very closely this year and feel a little bad about it.
  • I, and every other hockey fan anywhere, would like Gary Bettman to transform into a cloud of ice crystals which will then melt away forever. The man is going to kill professional hockey.
  • I want a limit on the length of contracts in baseball, because a player shouldn’t be able to sign a huge deal in their late 20’s, play like crap until they’re almost eligible for an AARP card, and feel no repercussions for it. I’m only exaggerating a little, and I’m looking right at you, A-Rod.
  • I want a different way of allocating TV money for college sports, because that’s what started the whole conference realignment mess in the first place. Also, I’d like whoever thought it was ok for Boise State to join the Big East to be publicly shamed.
  • I want the end of the defensive three seconds penalty in the NBA. It’s just silly.
  • I’d like the NBA, or at least the D-League, to return to Seattle. I think the best plan for this is to forcibly remove the Charlotte Bobcats from Michael Jordan’s hands, give the team to Paul Allen, and make a cool new name for them. Everyone wins.
  • I think it would be cool to see lower-level pro soccer in Eugene. It seems like something the community could go for… maybe.
  • I want a 300mm f/2.8. Come on, Santa, all the cool kids have one!

Merry Christmas,

-Rocko

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